I wanna stay at Joseph's place when we get home )': I missed him so much. But I don't think the eveil Nancy will let me. I hate her so much. She should just stay here and leave me alone!

I wanna name my next son Blake or Jaden :)

Lucas got his first three shots today. It was terrible, he was constantly crying when we got home :( And now he has a fever. His first fever.

Today is Lucas's first time to go to church (:

Finally got the chance to write. Lucas is sleeping on mama's chest. Haha (: I'm getting him later when he gets hungry.

We're planning on going home on November, and hopefully we will. I really wanna go home, I miss my hubby so much. Its stressing though, Nancy's coming home with us and I don't think I'd be able to do what I want if she's there with me. She sorts of expect the best in me, and seriously, I can't just try to live up with her expectations. I wanna do what I want and have fun.

I'm stressing on my pospartum check up too. I don't know what will happen but wish me luck. I hope God stands by me (:

Dang, I haven't been able to write for a long time.. I had no idea being a mom would be this tiring. I don't have the time to write about us anymore. But anways, everything is fine. I just got back with Joseph, we were off for three days. He said he missed me, but I don't think I feel the same way.. Its not like I'm not happy we're back together, but I actually enjoyed being single. But yeah, nothing's changed between us. I just wanted to update a bit, and yeah, Lucas has an appointment tomaro morning at 10:45.. I'm gonna ask the doctor about the grunting.. he grunts all the time and I'm starting to worry ):

Labor and delivery

Lucas is here! I know, I can't believe it either! Haha (: I had him on the 18th of August, wednesday at 5:53pm. I didn't have a hard time having him, I can't believe how easy everything went. I just felt exhausted after pushing him for 30 mins. Haha, everything happened so fast and now he's 5 days old!

So yeah, my contractions started at night time but I still got a little sleep. Didn't sleep much though bec I was having contractions and I thought it was just braxton hicks.. Haha, I was forcing myself to sleep though bec I was due for an appointment the next morning. I woke up around 7 to chat with Joseph and then got ready for the check up, I ate cereals bec I didn't wanna eat pancit canton for some reason, I told my grandma that I'll just eat after the check up. I was almost late when I got there, though. I even forgot to drink water so I was worried that I wouldn't be able to pee. Haha! When I got in, I told Dr. Khowong about my contractions the night before and about the bloody show and I was glad when she told me that she's gonna check my cervix. I was shocked when she told me that I was 5cm and I had to go to the birth center and call her when I get there.. So thats when things started happening so fast, I didn't even know what to think, I was in shock! Good thing Joseph was online and told me he'd wait for me to go home after the check up, haha. He was shocked when I told him, he didn't know what to do. So when I got to the birth center, the nurse lead me to this room where she told me to change my clothes and hooked me up to the monitor to check my contractions and baby's heart beat. She checked my cervix to make sure I was 5cm dilated and I was. She asked me to walk for 45 mins around the hospital, good thing I wasn't hurting so bad and I really wanted to get up bec they didn't have service in the room. So yeah, I walked for 45 mins and talked to everybody. Nancy came before it was time for me to go back. The nurse, her name was Melissa btw, checked my cervix again. They didn't send me home since I had to take antibiotics during labor so they moved me to the delivery room. It was room 19. Things were okay until around 3pm, when my contractions got stronger and my baby's heartbeat lowered.. People went in and the doctor blew my water, they had to give me a shot to ease up my contractions bec my baby's not liking it. I cried after an hour bec my contractions were really strong and thats when I asked for an epidural.. It didn't really hurt much. It was just like a sting. I love how I didn't even feel anything after it. I had to wait for 30 mins for it to wear in though, but that was fine. When she checked me again I was 9cm dilated, so I knew my baby's coming out in an hour or so. She came back at around 5:15 and checked me again, she asked me to push three times. She called the doctor and they started setting everything up. I had a hard time pushing bec my baby didn't like it, I had to push him fast and they had to use a vacuum to get him out. It was so hard to push, I felt like my face's gonna blow up. Haha.

After all those long months, everything was overpaid just when my skin touched his. When I heard his cry, it was music to me. I love him and I can't explain how much.. My body hurt but I didn't care as long as he was beside me (': I just wish Joseph was there too. We could've been the happiest family in the world.